What wouldn't I give?

Confession:  I have always harbored a barely masked disdain for my mother.  Until he was recently derailed with an injury, myfather has always worked two jobs; waking up before dawn and coming home late.  My mother meanwhile would sit at home.  All day.  She reads the newspaper and watches a lot of HGTV.  She doesn't really cook or clean.  She doesn't take care of herself.  She took care of my brother and I when we were growing up and there is definitely something to be said for that.  But I've always resented her for what I deem laziness.  I would silently fume about how only a horribly unappreciative, lazy, bitch would stay at home and not have a career.

Fast forward to today.  I'm at home, in a recliner, watching HGTV.  Granted, I was at the office by 8:00 AM and worked a full day.  But, God, what would't I give right now to never have to go back.  To turn in a resignation and just walk away.  To spend my days working out, preparing my husband a gourmet dinner, and, of course, watching HGTV.  Doesn't the fact that I would include exercise and cooking (and cleaning) in my agenda entitle me to this life? 

There is a woman in our office who just recently managed to make this dream happen.  Apparently she essentially chewed off her leg to get out of working.  No tv, no internet, I would assume she will cut eating at restaurants completly out of her new lifestyle. What other sacrifices have been made I do not know.  It's had me thinking:  what wouldn't I give?  What would I really be willing to give up to have the same lifestyle (with the aforementioned lifestyle changes) that I've always hated my mother for having?

Meme of the day

Let me take a ride on your disco stick??

On my way to work this morning I heard something that literally forced me to sit in the parking lot until the segment was over.  L.D. and I have had several laughs over Jennifer Love Hewitt's sexual beauty tips, going so far as to exchange glitter tattoos in jest.  As lighthearted and sexy as we both are, I don't think either of us could ever vajazzle.  The mere idea of having someone glue crystals to my lady bits makes me cringe.  Who came up with that??  (For the record, credit is given to Completely Bare Spa in NYC).  And, really, what is the point??  I don't think I want a man who is so turned on by bling that I need it on my hoo-ha.

So back to this morning.  I knew of vajazzling; I knew it was "a thing."  What I did not know was that apparently men were jealous.  Jealous enough to start their 'separate but equal' Swarovski campaign.  Yes, I am talking about PEJAZZLING.  PE-Freaking-JAZZLING is now a thing!

According to Enrique (who I Googled and found out must be Enrique of Face to Face Spa), Pejazzling is big business.  While he is not sure if revenues yet amount to millions of dollars, he estimated that men spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to get crystal dolphins jump over their shaft.  Do you know what else?  Enrique said that most of his clients are staight.  That means women are encouraging this practice.

I'm shocked.  I'm confused.  This is not casual glamour.

Men To Avoid Unless You are Self-Loathing: Part 1

Casual Glamour is all about being glamorous in your daily life without effort.  An essential element of being casually glamorous is being able to shut out crazy drama.  Alternatively, getting sweet sweet revenge can also be casually glamorous - but that's for another day.  Today let's focus on avoidance of the crazy drama.  This is Part 1 of an infinite series of installments which will help all C.G. lovers know which types of men to avoid in order to maintain your casually glamorous appeal.  A metaphor:  Do you watch True Blood?  You know how Sookie Stackhouse has fairy blood and all the vampires want to suck her bone dry because it is so amazingly delicious?  That is you and loser men.  The fairy blood is your awesomeness.  Avoiding these losers is crucial.  And let's be honest, these assclowns can sneak up on you and hypnotize you and pretty much suck the life out of you before you can bat an eyelash.  That is why it is important to identify them early and immediately objectify and categorize them.  This may sound harsh, but you have been warned.  Let's begin with Mr. Long-Distance.  So you've been with a guy for a few years, a few months, a few weeks and all of a sudden he gets a job that requires him to go to St. Lucia or New York or anywhere that is not a few blocks from your house.  He goes to college or grad school across the country.  In fact, I would say that in this day an age, for a full time working gal, an hour or two away is going to be enough to put a real damper on a relationship.  For whatever reason, homeboy is no longer in your area code.  I am sorry if I am the first person to let you in on this - here, please have a tissue:  your relationship is now doomed to fail.  One of you will become either emotionally unavailable or totally insecure.  When you get together you will spend the entire time dreading when you will again be separated.  Texting, emailing, and calling are not substitutes for face-to-face interaction.  Let's say you do make it to the end of the long distance term.  Guess what?  You are now used to having GOBS of space.  You will now crowd each other.  Have I convinced you to cut and run?  No?  Darling, you are wasting your time.  Ask yourself why you are not together?  Really, be selfish.  Why aren't you throwing your life away to be with him?  Ohhhhhh....perhaps because he did not ask you to?  Perhaps for the same reason he has made major life plans that have nothing to do with you?  Now, look around.  Look at all the available men (granted, many of whom are life sucking assclowns) around you.  Do you want to sit at home eating easy mac with your dog wearing Old Navy pajamas and hearing about that girl he works with or he met in class that you now are uber suspicious of and have sweating nightmare visions about?  NO.  You want to be on a patio drinking wine in a cocktail dress and making bad decisions with someone locally.  It's bad enough trying to pick a man in your vicinity.  Consider the fact that Mr. Long Distance has done you a favor.  He has cut himself from the herd.  Now, mein lipschien, go be awesome with someone you can see regularly.  You're welcome. 

K Pop Rules

Gangnam Style

So we may be getting on this train a little late, but we are busy professional women.  And in this case, better late than never!  I had no idea what the world of K Pop had to offer.  Research shows that this song is definitely about L.D. and myself--we're totally Gangnam style--giddy up!

Put a ring on it

What is it about getting engaged?  This changed status is enough to drive everyone in (at least) a 100 mile radius into a full fledged tizzy.  Parents and best girlfriends aside, it is an occassion that can bring out the crazy in anyone.  Including boyfriends of yore.  Like way yore.  This simple change in status doesn't just turn the engaged woman into a bridezilla (I have yet to even set a date and I'm a good month into my engagement). 
Immediately following my announcement things were fairly quiet.  No weird calls or texts or emails.  And then the ceiling fell out.  I have had relatively few significant relationships in my life.  A college boyfriend whom I am still friends with.  A law school professor who was completely insane.  And a closet loser that still sleeps on his mom's couch (with a near Ivy League college degree, an MBA and a JD).

Then, weeks after my engagement, people have come out of the woodwork.  People whom I haven't spoken to in months if not years feel the need to contact me.  The professor sent me a text to compliment my rack and tell me I should seek employment at a strip club.  When I didn't recognize the number and inquired who would be so rude, he feigned to be deeply hurt. Did I mention this guy got married himself about two months ago?  For the third time?  And he's under 40?  And told me that in his mind we were never really a couple?

The closet loser just informed me he might move to Williston, N.D. (look it up).  This was a second contact for him.  The first apparently wasn't satisfying enough--when he contacted me to find out if we were really that bad of a couple and then told me he wasn't ready to talk to me yet--too distraught to find out I was getting married (which he knew).  Nevermind the fact I'd asked him to stop contacting me altogether a year ago.

What is wrong with people?  Why do those that were keen to forget you suddently need to know if you've kept their number in your phone?

Meme of the day

Here at Casual Glamour, things have been a little less than wonderful on the love front.  This is an  affirmation all of us (it works for any gender combination) should repeat daily.

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