Men To Avoid Unless You are Self-Loathing: Part 1

Casual Glamour is all about being glamorous in your daily life without effort.  An essential element of being casually glamorous is being able to shut out crazy drama.  Alternatively, getting sweet sweet revenge can also be casually glamorous - but that's for another day.  Today let's focus on avoidance of the crazy drama.  This is Part 1 of an infinite series of installments which will help all C.G. lovers know which types of men to avoid in order to maintain your casually glamorous appeal.  A metaphor:  Do you watch True Blood?  You know how Sookie Stackhouse has fairy blood and all the vampires want to suck her bone dry because it is so amazingly delicious?  That is you and loser men.  The fairy blood is your awesomeness.  Avoiding these losers is crucial.  And let's be honest, these assclowns can sneak up on you and hypnotize you and pretty much suck the life out of you before you can bat an eyelash.  That is why it is important to identify them early and immediately objectify and categorize them.  This may sound harsh, but you have been warned.  Let's begin with Mr. Long-Distance.  So you've been with a guy for a few years, a few months, a few weeks and all of a sudden he gets a job that requires him to go to St. Lucia or New York or anywhere that is not a few blocks from your house.  He goes to college or grad school across the country.  In fact, I would say that in this day an age, for a full time working gal, an hour or two away is going to be enough to put a real damper on a relationship.  For whatever reason, homeboy is no longer in your area code.  I am sorry if I am the first person to let you in on this - here, please have a tissue:  your relationship is now doomed to fail.  One of you will become either emotionally unavailable or totally insecure.  When you get together you will spend the entire time dreading when you will again be separated.  Texting, emailing, and calling are not substitutes for face-to-face interaction.  Let's say you do make it to the end of the long distance term.  Guess what?  You are now used to having GOBS of space.  You will now crowd each other.  Have I convinced you to cut and run?  No?  Darling, you are wasting your time.  Ask yourself why you are not together?  Really, be selfish.  Why aren't you throwing your life away to be with him?  Ohhhhhh....perhaps because he did not ask you to?  Perhaps for the same reason he has made major life plans that have nothing to do with you?  Now, look around.  Look at all the available men (granted, many of whom are life sucking assclowns) around you.  Do you want to sit at home eating easy mac with your dog wearing Old Navy pajamas and hearing about that girl he works with or he met in class that you now are uber suspicious of and have sweating nightmare visions about?  NO.  You want to be on a patio drinking wine in a cocktail dress and making bad decisions with someone locally.  It's bad enough trying to pick a man in your vicinity.  Consider the fact that Mr. Long Distance has done you a favor.  He has cut himself from the herd.  Now, mein lipschien, go be awesome with someone you can see regularly.  You're welcome.